Nothing Without You
by x-Avarice-x
Summary: One year after her marriage to Shaun Temple, Donna is still lost and she's finally found something to describe the void in her life. *One-shot*


Normally I don't write song fics, but I discovered this song just yesterday and it struck me as a very Donna song. This is a one shot, about Donna a year after her wedding to Shaun Temple. I suppose you could call this my Ode to Donna Noble and her brilliant self. I miss her more than I can say.

Here's a link to the song, called "Nothing Without You" by Vienna Teng: www dot youtube dot com/watch?v=yUJvrqSbXIU&feature=related

Just replace the "dot" words with actual periods, get rid of the spaces and there's the song. Enjoy.

* * *

She's alone in her house when she hears the song for the first time.

The house is warm, but dark. Her mother and Gramps are at the grocery store. Shaun is out shopping, presumably for their anniversary. It's tomorrow and she's looking forward to getting that last bit of the wedding cake out of the freezer; it's been taunting her since they put it in there. There have been talks here and there of children now. She isn't old, certainly not too old to be a mother. She likes that idea, children. Children with Shaun. Something to fill the ever-present void in her heart. The lights in the house are off, all save the glow of her computer screen. The internet sends a faint light through the room, up in tabs; she decided long ago the person who invented tabs should have been given a knighthood. She's busy blogging away, poking fun at Nerys whenever possible.

The song only comes to her attention when a casual acquaintance sends her a friend request. She accepts and a link to the song is in the other woman's recent posts. She's always been one for music, needing the latest gadgets to keep up with her growing musical collection. The computer she's on has folders upon folders of music, most belonging to her. This is the family computer, of course, but it doesn't matter. They don't need multiple computers; she's usually the only one on it anyway. She clicks on the link and loads the song, noting that the lyrics are nearby if she needs them. She turns on her speakers and hits play, switching back tabs to Nerys.

_It's the quiet night that breaks me,  
I cannot stand the sight of this familiar place.  
It's the quiet night that breaks me,  
Like a dozen paper-cuts that only I can trace.  
_

She pauses in her typing as the woman's voice floats out of the speakers. It's beautiful, certainly, but the words are what catches her attention immediately. She switches tabs to the song, now intent on reading the lyrics along with it. She doesn't understand why she feels like this. Then again, she hasn't known for a long time now. It's the quiet that she hates. Sometimes she wonders why she hates quiet. Perhaps its meant to be filled with something, but no matter how hard she tries, she can't remember a thing. She feels... empty. The empty quiet.

_All my books are lying useless now,  
All my maps will only show me how to lose my way._

_Oh, call my name,  
You know my name,  
And in that sound, everything will change._

_Tell me it won't always be this hard.  
I am nothing without you,  
But I don't know who you are._

Her hands reach her mouth and she's covering her lips in silent agony. She has never believed in anything akin to destiny, however this song is almost too accurate. She knows deep down that there is something there, calling out to her. A beautiful song, more beautiful than anyone could imagine, but she can't remember.

She has tried. Days at a time have been spent trying to remember, all dissolving in frustration and tears. Looking at the stars with Wilf's telescope helps sometimes, but not always. She feels a strange longing to be in the sky, a longing she doesn't understand. Her husband always tries his best to comfort her, but there is only so much he can do. She is always sad, always lost, never whole. She can't even remember who or what it is. Is it a person? A place? An event?

That's a silly question, really. Long ago she came to the realization that it must have been a person. Places and events don't mean much to her unless there are living things attached to them. And it's so hard. Day to day events seem mundane now, though they never did before. Her mundane life began when the loss appeared, permeating every cell in her body and every moment of her days. And she tries not to worry anyone, that isn't her way. She loses her way sometimes, but Gramps always pulls her back to reality until she's alone again.

_It's the crowded room that breaks me;  
Everybody looks so luminous and strangely young._

_It's the crowded room that's never heard,  
No one here can say a word of my native tongue._

_I can't be among them anymore,  
I fold myself away before it burns me numb._

She swallows the lump in her throat, feeling her body shake in response to the words. She always feels lonely, no matter how many people are gathered around her in celebration. She is constantly alone because no one is like her, no one so old and young at the same time. She knows that she hates social gatherings now; that missing person is never there, but she attends them anyway. She feels something strong for this person. It's love, to be sure, but not quite the kind of love between a married couple. It's much more than that, she knows. It's understanding and adoration, admiration and adventure. This leads her to believe that it must be a man, though that thought doesn't cause her any distress where her husband is concerned. It's a man, an important man. The most important man ever. She feels her chest burn with longing. But still she doesn't remember.

_Oh, call my name,  
You know my name,  
And in your love, everything will change._

_Tell me it won't always be this hard.  
I am nothing without you,  
But I don't know who you are._

_I am nothing without you,  
But I don't know who you are..._

_I am nothing without you..._

"Donna?"

Her face turns to the doorway. Her husband is standing there in a gray sweater and dark jeans. He never did wear a coat when she told him to. It was spring now, of course, but the nights were still a bit nippy. In his hand is a plastic bag, but she doesn't bother peeking at the logo on the side. He drops the bag to the floor and crosses the room quickly. Donna doesn't stand from her chair, she just watches him closely. She doesn't speak and after gently wiping the tears off her face, his eyes drift to the computer screen. He scans the lyrics, taking in little. He gives her a concerned look and she just nods, barely imperceptible to anyone but the two beings in the universe who would have caught it. Shaun reaches over and plays the song again.

Wilf explained the situation to him once. He wasn't sure that he believed it at first, but he has seen the look in his wife's eyes, when she's wandering. She wanders everywhere, the house, the garden, even the shops. She never buys anything, just wanders with her misty eyes and a faraway stare. To him, it seemed like everywhere she was, she didn't want to be, and every time she got somewhere she thought she wanted to be, she never wanted to stay. Like she's so sad, but she can't remember why. It is that much more tragic, he realizes, because what she has lost is something she can't ever remember. She finally does stand this time; Shaun holds his wife and listens to the music describe how she feels, rocking her gently as she cries.


End file.
